Writing is the part of my life alike my thoughts. Thoughts are endless and effortless. I always try to reduce my thoughts into writing but it is not always possible just because thoughts are double-sided sword. When my own thoughts will kill me? ….. No Idea!! My readers may have the thought that why the caption of my articles is “THE CRUX IN CRUSIFICATION OF A GRIEF”.
The reason is that I am a very sentimental person. The first book I read in my childhood was “Shyamchi Aai” (Shyam’s Mother) in my mother tongue Marathi. It made my feelings towards human relationship. It gave me the sense of thinking by heart rather than brain. For me, the book played the role of pathfinder. It overgrew my heart, feelings and emotions. I was always thinking I’m very lucky and blessed that I’m not heartless. My eyes are full of tears and my heart is made with kindness, compassion and love for all. I’ve a sense of emotion in this ruthless cruel world. How lucky I’m!!!
I was wounded many a time. I’d distributed roses and what I’d achieved? Crown of thorns.!? The people in my circle of affection never returned to me with the same thing. Does the person who love always has the responsibility to love and not the right to be loved? I was always thinking. In certain situations, if I changed my behavior, their behavior towards me always had a change. They never thought why I behaved so and left me alone with wounded heart. Why did my relatives friends not paid attention on my emotional want? I went on thinking. Why this happened to me? Was I wrong in asking their attention in my difficult and sorrowful days? Wasn’t I precious for them? Was there any basic fault in my behavior? Why? This ‘why’ trodden me a lot.
I went on thinking for the answer of my question. I thought ‘In this merciless world ‘who cares’ for the emotions? I’m wrong. I was wrong in choosing my ideal personality. “Sane Guruji” the writer of the book “Shyamchi Aai” was wrong. Why love others if they don’t respond rather they don’t love you? My eyes filled with tears and the heart with anger. I strongly decided ‘Now I’ll hurt the world. I’ll teach a lesson to all of them who hurt me. And I actually tried it. When at first I hurt my trees to reduce my thoughts in an action plucked it’s leaves, blossom and tried to cut it off. As I went on doing it tears were falling down from my eyes. My heart filled with the feeling of self hatred ness. I realized that I was hurting my own and I will do the same if I hurt anybody anymore. (That much I loved everybody in my circle of affection) I left my act and was crying. I did not realize what time I slept. Next day morning I arose and what I saw?! The flowers of the trees which remained unscratched were blooming, laughing with the air. They hadn’t any sense of my hard heartedness. They were enjoying their morning with what they had. Again there were tears in my eyes. No need of words. I got my answer.
Now I realize better my nature. Neither my heart was wrong nor my idol. If there was anything wrong that was my attitude towards the feelings. We all do the same mistake. Relations do not create on give and take policy. How can we forget this? If we love anybody it is for ourselves and it we hate this is also for our own parameters. We all love the only person and that is “I”. “I” is the only cause of happiness and all kind of sadness also. This is the only grief. And the highest madness is that we can not forget this grief. We all want to get rid of it and we can’t so I thought it is the crucial point in the progress towards happiness. How can we forget “I” with “I” for “I”? This is the crucial point I felt and hence I started writing on “THE CRUX IN CRUSIFICATION OF A GRIEF”
I don’t know how many of you agree on this rather read this for being agree.
Again as I wrote I don’t care. I’m done with my work.
